WCW Slamboree 2000
May 7th, 2000
Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Well if that poster doesn't get you psyched up, you either don't have a pulse or have watched WCW matches from the year 2000 prior to this!
We get a recap from the previous Thunder with Ric Flair arguing with Bischoff. A bus pulls up and out comes the New Blood. Vampiro vs Sting is apparently happening on this show. I can't say I'm excited about that. Billy Kidman vs Hulk Hogan is also happening. Good booking, however, is not happening. Arquette was WCW Champion. This is where WCW really starts to die.
WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Chris Candido(c) (w/Tammy Sytch) vs The Artist (w/Paisley)
Well at least we should have a decent opener. I've always liked Candido, but I feel like Tammy really brought him down in his later years. Tammy offers to get naked for the crowd, without Skype and for free. Oh how 15 years can change you. To her credit, she still looks decent here. Next out comes The Artist formerly known as Prince Iaukea. Smooth R&B is just not a good theme song.
They start with some chaining that ends with a botched victory roll into a German suplex spot. Candido did not get to his feet smoothly there. Artist tosses Candido over the ropes, and in typical WCW fashion, we're fighting outside the ring. Chris tries to splash Artist from the top into the guard rail but takes a spear type move instead. The footage skips and suddenly they're fighting on the entrance ramp. What the hell was that? WCW has invented teleportation. Artist hits a really bad hurricanrana back in the ring, followed by a really bad headlock takedown for a two count. Few chops by Candido before he tosses the Artist to the outside. Inside-out suplex sends Candido back outside, only for them to go directly back into the ring for a two count. Artist goes up top but then decides not to. Okay then. Artist hits the worst powerbomb I've ever seen and goes up top, but is caught by Candido who misses a rana off the ropes. Then, this spot happens.
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| Greatest roll up of all time? Possibly. |
A bad lariat by Artist, an eye gouge from Candido and a super samoan drop. Tammy distracts the ref and she gets into it with Paisley. Tammy hits Artist with a chair and Candido covers for the three, but...nope, apparently not. Ref called for the bell but then said it was a two count. Piledriver and a headbutt end the match.
Winner and still WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Chris Candido in 7:59
This was awful. One of the worst openers I've ever seen. Full of botches, slow action that made little sense and a botched finish. DUD
After the match, Artist and Paisley attack Tammy and pull off her dress to embarrass her. She's in full on granny panties though so what exactly does that do? Who really cares at this point? Tony Schiavone calls it a great cruiserweight matchup. I'd rather Hornswoggle vs El Torito.
Next we get a preview of the Hardcore Handicap Match coming up next. How do they hype it? By showing Funk, their champion, getting the crap beaten out of him. Never showing him showing resilience, just getting his ass kicked. Smart.
WCW Hardcore Championship Hardcore Handicap Match : Norman Smiley and Ralphus vs Terry Funk(c)
I love you, Terry, but why would you agree to wrestle Ralphus. Ralphus should never have been in a wrestling ring, and this is the 2nd WCW show I've reviewed that had him on it. They actually call it Norman and a mystery partner. WHO THE HELL CHOOSES RALPHUS! The match starts backstage, and Norman is dressed in a baseball uniform. Smiley was always entertaining. Ralphus is in full catcher's equipment and hits the weakest trash can shot ever. It's Terry F'n Funk, he can take a trash can shot. Smiley is dancing as they use a variety of weapons. Trash cans, chairs, Ralphus' stomach. Catering is destroyed and a young Zack Ryder weeps. Funk throws Smiley into the interview set while Ralphus is standing on top of some carpets and throwing boxes at Funk while Funk throws chairs. It was pretty funny to see Ralphus randomly up there. Now they're all fighting on carpets as Norman falls off through a table. Terry hits him with a roadblock sign and now I'm expecting Roadblock to come in. The announcers are ripping into Ralphus and I can't blame them. Ralphus is literally just waiting around for no reason. He's really not adding anything to this match. They go into an area with no lights to it, the gorilla position.
Funk brings Ralphus out to ringside and onto the stage. Ralphus should never be shown on all four. Ever. Ralphus' pants are falling and his shirt is off. Oh good lord. Ralphus' full ass is out. BAD WCW. BAD! DON'T DO THAT. PULL UP YOUR GOD DAMN PANTS. Smiley is back in the ring and assaults Funk with a ladder and a chair. Big Wiggle and a chair shot by Smiley for two. Ralphus wants to do the Big Wiggle now, but Funk hits him with a chair. PULL UP YOUR EFFING PANTS RALPHUS. Roll up by Funk ends it.
Winner and still WCW Hardcore Champion: Terry Funk in 10:03
This was entertaining for one minute. The rest of it was unbearable. DUD
This show is off to a great start, two for two in duds.
David Arquette cuts a heelish promo about DDP. He says he's scared about the Triple Cage Match later tonight. I am too, David, I am too.
Shawn Stasiak vs Curt Hennig
Finally, something that should be good. My network feed froze during Hennig's entrance. I will take this as a sign to turn off the show, but I must continue. Stasiak is playing the cocky heel well here. Henning takes control with some scoop slams and Stasiak retreats outside the ring. Remember "Planet Stasiak?" I loved that gimmick. They start yelling at each other some more before locking up again. It took 3 minutes to get some wrestling in this match. Hennig tries to break a headlock, but it ends with Stasiak hitting a crossbody for two before a sunset flip for another two. These guys are rushing which makes me think they don't have a long run time. Slaps and knee lift by Hennig before they cut to MIA watching from the crowd. While they're focused on MIA, Hennig is tossed out of the ring, great production, guys. Stasiak has control and hits a big clothesline off the top rope onto Hennig back in the ring. Hennig goes for a scoop slam on the ramp, and has him up and everything before "hurting his back" and putting him down. What? Back in the ring, Stasiak has a sleeper hold. Henning almost escapes, but Stasiak knocks him down by his hair and misses a crossbody off the top. Some chops by Hennig and a back body drop. Hennig slaps Charles Robinson on his head, but he's a face and he's hitting the ref? Okay. Slingshot into the corner and fisherman's suplex ends it.
Winner: Shawn Stasiak in 7:54
I don't get it. These two are very capable workers, but the flow was terrible, there was no psychology and this was basically an eight minute squash as Hennig got almost no offense in. That said, this is MOTN so far. 1/4*
So through three matches, we don't have a match that gets even a one star rating, or even half a star. Maybe Steiner can save us.
We get Russo hyping up Scott Steiner backstage.
WCW United States Championship: Hugh Morrus vs Scott Steiner(c) (w/ Midajah and Shakira)
Hugh Morrus cuts a promo before the match. He doesn't want to be called Hugh Morrus and calls the name a brain fart, and then demands he be called "Hugh. E. Rection" yeah, that's way less dumb.
They start with Steiner taking advantage until Rection...nope, calling him DeMott. DeMott hits a few huge chops and Steiner goes outside the ring. Back in the ring it's back and forth until DeMott hits a spinning heel kick and side slam for two. He goes up top and hits a big elbow drop. He goes back up top for a moonsault, but the girls crotch him, that should be a disqualification, but it's not. Steiner chokes him in the tree of woe. Steiner hits a clothesline and an elbow for two. Some stomps and a T-Bone suplex from Steiner and then some push ups. Belly to belly for a two count. That move is great when done right. Steiner is mad at the ref and tells him he sucks. I lol'd. A bearhug by Steiner confuses me. He's not a big guy, and DeMott is a fat son of a bitch. It just looks like they're ex lovers that haven't met in years. DeMott avoids a Steiner clothesline and takes advantage with a corner splash, but not for long. Tiger bomb by Steiner ends that hope. Inverted Piledriver by DeMott and a moonsault. Steiner moves but takes a knee to the back of the head. Ouch. Always roll towards the post, Scott. Steiner Recliner ends it.
Winner and still WCW United States Champion: Scott Steiner in 9:23
Another bad match. The girls botched their spots almost every time they got involved, bad flow, bad psychology, botched finish. MOTN to this point though. 1/2*
Booker T assaults Steiner after the match.
Kanyon interview about backing DDP. Basic script reading, not a great promo, better than Roman.
Mike Awesome vs Kanyon
It's weird writing this review now considering both men passed away to suicide. They start by exchanging strikes, but there's a fight in the crowd it seems as everyone in the audience is looking the other way and it's pretty damn funny.
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| Everyone look! Something better! |
Suicide dive by Awesome brings some fans back into it, but I'm not sure they were paying attention. I don't blame them. Awesome throws Kanyon around outside a bit into the stairs and the guard rail, before being tossed into the ring post. Kanyon hits a somersault plancha from the apron that was pretty cool. In the ring, Awesome has control and goes up top with a nice clothesline for two. And we go back outside again. Some chairs shots by Awesome knocks Kanyon over the guard rail and into the crowd, and almost immediately they're back at ringside. Awesome hits a springboard splash into the ring. I wonder how long this tenure in the ring lasts. Back outside we go. I marked that at about 45 seconds in the ring. I can understand why WCW Backstage Assault was made. They're never in the f'n ring. Awesome is up top with a chair, and Kanyon pulls the top rope to crotch him and brings him down with a neckbreaker from the top. I really think Awesome just slipped. Kanyon hits a crossbody, but Awesome rolls with it for a two count. Kanyon hits a flapjack for another two count. Kanyon tries to powerbomb Awesome but takes an Alabama Slam. Awesome hits a powerbomb that drops Kanyon right on his neck and was absolutely pointless to do. Legitimately dangerous spot.
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| Who bettuh than Kanyon with a broken neck? |
Awesome goes outside and lifts up the ringside mats, but instead hits a springboard shoulder block in the ring, followed by a German suplex. Kanyon rolls onto the ramp and suddenly half the locker room comes out, and the match is officially ruled a No Contest.
Winner: No Contest in 12:11
This match was all over the place in the worst way possible. Overbooked finish and nothing but bad brawling, incredibly unsafe spots and just nothing redeeming in this. 1/2*
After the match, everybody who came and interfered continued to brawl that ends with Nash, Sting, Flair and Kanyon standing tall. I don't know what just happened.
The Total Package vs Buff Bagwell
I am not calling him Total Package. He is Luger. That is what he will be. Bell rings and Bagwell starts posing on every turnbuckle. Makes sense. They have a pose down, which doesn't make sense given how the pre-match videos showed how serious Luger's problem is with Russo kidnapping Elizabeth. They lock up after 90 seconds of shit and it's a stalemate on the ropes. Buff takes advantage early with some strikes and a turnbuckle face smash for two. Some taunting and a chin lock by Buff. Atomic drops and strikes by Luger now. He tosses Bagwell outside, and WCW still has not learned that you don't need to leave the ring in every single match. Inside, Buff hits a double arm DDT for a two count. Exchanging strikes and rest holds until Luger ducks a clothesline and the network feed freezes and suddenly they're both down. I would believe you if you told me that was the spot. Bagwell hits a splash for two and locks in a camel clutch. Russo is backstage watching, calling for Elizabeth to see what's going on, but Russo fell backwards and Elizabeth is nowhere to be seen. She comes down to the ring now with a bat in her hand as Luger hits a powerslam. Bagwell gets the bat from Elizabeth and hits him with it. Where's the DQ ref? Bagwell goes to the 2nd rope, but Elizabeth hits him with the bat. Luger locks on the Torture Rack for the win.
Winner: Lex Luger in 9:30
Another match that was just uninteresting, but at least this one tried to tell a story. *
We are 90 minutes into this show, and we JUST get out first one star match.
After the match, Chuck Palumbo attacks Luger and put him a Torture Rack of his own. We get a promo backstage with Shane Douglas hyping his match with Ric Flair. His future employer at Wal Mart probably isn't watching this.
Ric Flair vs Shane Douglas
I don't personally care for Douglas. He's just kind of always been "there" for me. Flair is in street clothes. They lock up a few times and Douglas takes control each time. There's a fan in the front row with a replica WCW Championship. He is more credible than David Arquette. Douglas takes control with a back body drop, but his shine doesn't last long as they start trading chops. Douglas locks in a figure four on Ric Flair, nice heel move there. Flair escapes with a figure four, and hits a few chops, and Douglas falls to the outside. The outside fighting consists of basically chops from Flair. They definitely needed to go outside for that. Back in the ring, Douglas suplexes flair and pulls out a chain and hits Flair with it wrapped around his wrist right in front of the ref, but then hides it. Why even bother hiding it? Triple suplex to Flair for two. More chops by Flair, a WOO and a strut. Devastating maneuvers. He hits a low blow now because there are no such thing as disqualifications, and then blatantly kicks Douglas in the balls because WCW. Figure four time, but Buff Bagwell runs down and distracts the ref, David Flair dressed as Sting hits Ric with a baseball bat. Douglas rolls up Ric for the three.
Winner: Shane Douglas in 8:46
This sucked. Bad finish, a match script that made no sense, there was no selling and barely any storytelling. It pains me to give this rating to Ric, but this is a DUD.
Ric Flair no sells the entire match and calls out Vince Russo. Out comes Luger who unmasks "Sting" to reveal David Flair. Down comes Russo with a pipe and attacks Luger while David Flair hits Ric with a miniature Statue of Liberty. We get basically Russo and David beating on Ric. This gif sums up my views on this show pretty well.
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| Thanks, Vince. |
Vampiro vs Sting
I don't care about this match. Vampiro sucks and always sucked. We start on the ramp and Vampiro attacks Sting, but is quickly taken down with a suplex. Atomic drop is devastating in the ring, even more devastating on the ramp. That lasts not very long as Sting brings Vampiro in and hits a missile dropkick. Vampiro goes back outside and Sting hits a plancha. We were in the ring for approximately 10 seconds so far. Sting DDTs Vampiro on the floor and rolls into the ring...and rolls back outside...and back into the ring. Make up your damn mind. Low blow by Vampiro, some chops and a top rope clothesline. Goes back outside and brings in a lead pipe. He hits Sting in the chest, so naturally, Sting sells his stomach. So many pipe shots Vampiro looks like a creepy plumber. We're at about 12-13 pipe shots. They're on the ramp as Sting tries retreating, you know, like big time faces like Sting do. Vampiro brings Sting back into the ring and again uses the pipe. Super hurricanrana attempt is thwarted as Sting hits a crappy looking powerbomb from the ropes. Sting has the pipe now and goes to work. Two Stinger Splashes and a Scorpion Death Drop end the match.
Winner: Sting in 6:48Terrible. This entire match was basically pipe shot after pipe shot. Sting trying to retreat was just idiotic and made him look weak to me. I was hoping there might be some enjoyment here, but there just wasn't. 1/2*
Sting attacks Vampiro one more time after the match, as we get a video package hyping the next match. Kidman talks about how he's beaten Hogan three times and with Bischoff as the ref he can't lose, which means, Kidman is losing.
Hulk Hogan(w/ Horace Hogan) vs Billy Kidman (w/Torrie Wilson): Special Referee: Eric Bischoff
Does anybody really remember Horace Hogan? What was the point of him? If Rick from Pawn Stars got in shape and grew a beard, he'd be Horace Hogan. Kidman tries to psyche out Hogan by not getting in the ring, but Hogan jumps outside and chases Kidman around the ring and into the ring where Kidman takes advantage with some stomps. Doesn't last too long as they botch a scoop slam multiple times before Kidman rolls up Hogan for a two. They try the crucifix-rollup spot again and it works this time as Hogan sends Kidman to the floor. Body slam onto an open chair by Hogan. Nice spot there. Hurricanrana by Kidman out of the corner as Hogan escapes outside the ring. He pulls Kidman out and throws him around a bit. Bischoff said before the match he was gonna call it down the middle and so far he has. You would think the heel ref would try to help the heel wrestler. Kidman has control in the ring until he tries to taunt Hogan who starts beating him like he was hitting on Brooke. Or Nick. Takes off his belt now and starts whipping Kidman. Bischoff says no and it's the first time a ref has done his job all night. That doesn't last long as Kidman gets the belt and starts wailing on Hogan. Unfortunately for Billy, Hogan is pretty strong and he gets hiptossed over the ropes. More outside brawling! There's a table at ringside. I'm assuming it will be used here. Hogan covers but Bischoff pretends he doesn't see it.
Backdrop by Hogan for a no-fall as Bischoff ignores it. Hogan is all "WTF Mate?!" Hogan misses a few elbows, because Hogan doesn't realize that Kidman is paying attention. Yet again, Hogan throws Kidman outside the ring. Kidman had the advantage for about 15 seconds. Back inside, Kidman hits some blows on Hogan but Hogan Hulks the F Up. Big Boot and a leg drop attempt is blocked by Bischoff, but Hogan decks Bischoff and hits the leg drop anyway. Bischoff brings in a chair, Hogan blocks his attempt and hits Bischoff and Kidman. Under the ring, Hogan finds a table, to my surprise it's not the one from earlier. Scratch that, two tables. In typical WCW fashion, one of the tables has a broken leg and thus is already out of commission. Hogan shakes it off and sets it up against the ropes while humming Taylor Swift in his head. Hogan tries to powerbomb Bischoff, but Kidman beats him with a chair and covers but Bischoff is out. Kidman counts his own three, but it doesn't matter. Kidman tries to hit Hogan with the chairs, but Hogan boots it and Powerbombs Bischoff through a table. I think that should count as a DQ. Hogan grabs the table from ringside! I knew it, but the dumb son of a bitch gets it stuck in the apron. Kidman hits a low blow with a chair shot and sets up the table. Kidman lays Hogan on the table and misses a splash from the top rope crashing through the table for the three count.
Winner: Hulk Hogan in 13:38
This was actually very entertaining and held my interest throughout. Easily match of the night and might save this card from a total dud. **1/2
Video package hypes the main event. Still can't believe David Arquette is going into a pay per view main event as WCW Champion.
WCW World Heavyweight Championship Triple Cage Match: David Arquette(c) vs Diamond Dallas Page vs Jeff Jarrett
Sigh. I really don't want to review this. The match concept is really cool, but obviously incredibly dangerous. Apparently the 2nd cage is a hardcore cage with a whole bunch of weapons, and the third cage is a guitar cage with only guitars hanging in it. David Arquette is wearing a ridiculous attire, but who really cares at this point?
Match starts and Arquette is basically shaking as he tries to run away from Jeff Jarrett. Arquette tries to escape the cage but Page attacks Jarrett and you can see the Cage is not touching the floor. Pretty sure David can fit under the spacing if he wanted to leave. Page and Jarrett fight in the ring and exchange some clotheslines. Arquette tries a splash from the top but Jarrett moves. He bumped that pretty nicely. Props to Arquette. Page whips Jarrett into the cage, but Arquette is in the way and he takes a cage bump. Jarrett goes to attack Page but he ducks and hits Arquette who takes another decent bump on the outside. I'll give him props, he's taking a slight beating. Page sets up the ladder to try and get to the 2nd cage, and Jarrett is busted open. Jarrett hits a backdrop to Page off the ladder. Nice spot but gets zero crowd reaction. Jarrett climbs now, but Page powerbombs him off.
The door to the 2nd cage is located above the turnbuckle, not the middle of the ring. I find that a bit strange. Jarrett climbs, but Page knocks him off into the ropes. They're both climbing now as they exchange strikes on the ladder. and Jarrett takes a dive off the ropes and onto the cameraman. Jarrett no sells the fall as Page climbs into the 2nd cage successfully, Jarrett follows as Page grabs bolt cutters and opens the cage door. Jarrett pulls a chair off the cage wall and smashes Page with it. Page whips Jarrett into the side of the 2nd cage and the cage collapsed. I don't think that was planned. Page grabs a table but the damn thing can't stand up, but DDP powerslams Jarrett through it anyway.
Jarrett climbs to the 3rd cage, but DDP knocks him off with a chair shot. These guys are clearly nervous as hell and I don't blame them. Arquette climbs the ladder into the 2nd cage now. Arquette climbs to the 3rd cage. Mike Awesome comes out and attacks DDP. Arquette is climbing to the top of the structure now and the crowd is going crazy. DDP hits a Diamond Cutter on Awesome as both Jarrett and DDP climb to the 3rd level. Jarrett breaks a guitar over Page's back but he no sells it and passes a guitar to Arquette. DDP starts climbing to the last cage but Arquette smashes him with a guitar! Jarrett climbs to the top and captures the WCW World Heavyweight Championship for the win.
Winner and NEW WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Jeff Jarrett in 15:29
Honestly, this match was far more entertaining than it had any right to be. Just a fun brawl with a random swerve. **
After the match, Mike Awesome tries to Awesome Bomb DDP on the cage, but Kanyon comes out and takes a sick bump off the cage onto the ramp.
Overall: 2/10 Awful. Honestly, if it weren't for the last two matches being entertaining more than anything else, this would be a complete dud. On a 10 match card, only two of them were even enjoyable and the rest was just downright dreadful. 2000 was an awful year for WCW and just showed why the company went under a short time later.
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