Tuesday, May 5, 2015

WWE Bragging Rights 2009

Well, I'm in a good mood today, so let's ruin it with a John Cena vs Randy Orton Iron Man Match, shall we?



















WWE Bragging Rights 
October 25th, 2009
Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 

Well, the good news is that this show has five matches. The bad news is that one of them is a full hour of Randy Orton vs John Cena. Let's go. This is one of those Smackdown vs Raw pay per views that really didn't work out too well, hopefully this one isn't so bad.


Interbrand Singles Match
John Morrison (representing Smackdown) vs The Miz (representing Raw)
Apparently Miz is United States Champion here, while Morrison is Intercontinental Champion. These two always had good chemistry together, so this could be a good opener.

We start with a tie up and some chain wrestling that is pretty fast paced. It's more or less just Morrison wrestling circles around Miz. They exchange some quick falls and headlocks before things slow down a little. I love how the ropes near the hard cam go from red to blue so fluidly, it actually looks really cool. Miz rolled outside to catch his breath and slowly walked back in and gets a headlock takedown on Morrison. Morrison hits a standing shooting star press for two before Miz bullies him into the corner and then tosses him to the outside. Miz tries to suplex Morrison into the ring, but Morrison slides in through the bottom rope into a roll up for a two. Miz goes for a backslide, but Morrison counters. They exchange finisher attempts before Miz is clotheslined over the top rope. Morrison follows Miz outside just to roll him back in for a near fall. Miz whips Morrison into the corner and Morrison tries to go up and over Miz, but he's caught and tossed outside as Miz tries to get a count out. Inside, Miz hits a backdrop for another two count. Rest hold time before Morrison takes control again, but Miz hits his corner clothesline and drapes Morrison on the apron before hitting a huge knee and going into another rest hold. Randy Orton is probably backstage taking notes for the main event. Morrison goes for a roll up but gets a two and then tries another with the same result. They exchange kicks, and Miz throwing kicks is weird. Morrison ducks one and hits a kick to the head in a bad spot. Morrison hits a big calf kick for two. Another exchange of pin attempts that go nowhere before Morr,ison hits the spin kick off the ropes but Miz gets his foot on the rope to break the count. Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, but Miz rolls outside so Morrison hits a plancha instead. Morrison goes for a superplex, but he's tossed off and Miz hits a double axe handle. Morrison goes for Starship Pain again but Miz crotches him and pins him for the win. Well, that happened.

Winner: The Miz @ 10:54
This wasn't bad and it started off strong, but it fell apart as the match went on. After the half way point they both got really sloppy and awkward. This went a bit too long for these guys at this point.  The awful finish didn't help matters. *1/2

This is a three hour show with five matches and one of them is an hour, so we have two hours to fill with four matches, so I'm expecting a lot of backstage stuff tonight. We get recaps of how Smackdown got their members for the tag team match in a big tag match. Okay. There's a good reason I don't remember this show.

We get a promo with Cody Rhodes and he says Raw will get a clean sweep. He's approached by R-Truth. Cody rips into him and basically makes Smackdown look weak as hell, basically spoiling the brand vs brand match.

Six-Diva Interbrand Tag Team Match
Smackdown Divas (Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix & Natalya) vs RAW Divas (Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Melina)
One reason I'm glad there's no brand split anymore, look at the difference in talent here. Smackdown has three pretty damn talented divas, while Raw has...Gail Kim.

Beth and Kim start off here and it's weird that in just six years. Kim reverses a scoop slam into a victory roll pretty early but only gets a two. McCool tags herself in and goes to work on Kim. Kim hits a beautiful Hurricanrana as Natalya tags in and exchanges roll ups and strikes with Kim. They fight around the apron for a bit before Kelly tags in. Kelly was awful. Nothing she did was crisp here, and that includes hitting the ropes. She tries a wheelbarrow, but Nattie just stun guns her instead for a near fall. McCool and Phoenix choke her while Nattie distracts the refs and McCool tags in shortly after and stomps away. Phoenix tags in right after and applies a nice looking armlock on Kelly. McCool tags in and hits a snapmare and goes right into a chin lock. Some knee strikes from McCool before Beth tags herself in. Kelly hits a jawbreaker and gets a hot tag to Melina who takes out Beth with a dropkick before a drop toe hold into the ropes. McCool distracts Melina and Beth goes for a slingshot suplex but Melina rolls her up for two. Headscissors Facebuster by Melina gets a near fall as the other four divas start brawling outside leaving Beth and Melina in the ring. Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win.

Winners: Smackdown Divas @ 6:54
This wasn't awful, but there wasn't anything in this to keep it interesting. It was basically a six diva squash match.

Backstage segment with DX hyping up the Raw locker room. They bring up Henry almost having a baby with Mae Young with which he says "man, that was a long time ago." That was chuckle worthy. Also bringing up how they exposed Kofi as a fake Jamaican. I remember that promo, good times.


World Heavyweight Championship
Fatal Four-Way
The Undertaker(c) vs CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio vs Batista
It's crazy how this is the third match on the card, but considering there's only five, it makes sense. I like 3/4 guys, so this could be fun. I could do without Batista though. Taker's entrance was long enough for me to make some nachos and go to the bathroom before it was over. I'm impressed.

Everyone starts brawling to begin and eventually Batista and Taker are left alone in the ring. Taker hits his flying clothesline as Mysterio comes in with kicks and sends Taker over the ropes with a dropkick. He goes for a plancha but Taker slides in the ring and hits a big boot. Taker goes for Old School on Batista and hits it. He turns his attention to Mysterio and goes for the same spot, but is crotched on the turnbuckle by Punk who tosses Mysterio outside and heads up top to Taker, he hits a superplex and Mysterio hits a splash. Batista and Punk brawl a bit and Batista hits a powerslam before Taker gets up and hits a big boot to his face. Mysterio goes for a hurricanrana from the top but Taker catches him and goes for a Last Ride but takes a spear from Batista for a nice spot. Mysterio and Batista waste time trying to see who will cover Taker. Mysterio tries but Taker grabs him by the throat. They team up as Mysterio hits a 619 and Batista hits a spinebuster for two as Punk breaks it up and goes after Rey. Rey's up top but Punk gets him and hits a big GTS for a two count as Batista breaks it up. Batista goes after Taker, but Taker catches him with Hell's Gate until Punk breaks it up. Punk hits the running knee in the corner, but then Taker catches him with a Last Ride and covers for a two as Batista breaks up the pin. They trade blows until Taker hits a chokeslam and covers for two as Punk breaks it up this time. Now he trades blows with Taker and gets tossed outside the ring. Undertaker goes for a tombstone, but Batista reverses and hits a Batista Bomb, but Mysterio breaks up the pin and tries to pin Taker himself. They argue and Batista throws him outside the ring. Taker hits a chokeslam on Batista for a near fall. Taker tries another chokeslam, but Batista fights out and they do a double clothesline spot as Punk tries to steal a pin but both Taker and Batista kick out. Punk is sent to the floor again by Batista, as is Mysterio. Batista turns around into a Tombstone and Undertaker retains.

Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker @ 9:55
This was a fun match. They never made it seem like Mysterio and Punk had a chance of winning, but that's a match layout problem instead of who was in it. It was a bit short for four guys of this caliber, but it was fine for what it was. ***

After the match, Rey is interviewed about the match and repeats the same sentiment over and over. Batista attacks Rey and this went on so much longer than it needed to. I did laugh at Batista casually saying "I'm gonna rip your head off" before hitting a big lariat.

Fourteen-Man Interbrand Tag Team Match
Team Smackdown (Chris Jericho, Kane, R-Truth, Matt Hardy, Finlay, Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith) vs Team Raw (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Big Show, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston & Mark Henry)

This is one fall to the finish and has fourteen guys in it, so I'm expecting this match to be fucking impossible to follow at some point, so I'm not doing a full on play by play for this match (or the main event). Instead, I'll be doing my thoughts on what's happening. This match basically shows us why we don't have a brand split anymore. There are two main event talents on Team Smackdown. Two. The rest are barely mid card guys.

Truth and Cody start and work some pretty decent fast paced spots, but then Big Show and Kane tag in so there goes that. They work for a minute of slow and boring moves until Swagger tags in and gets whooped by Kane, who tags in Matt Hardy. He gets a near fall off a clothesline and pulls off Swagger's shirt and hits his second rope leg drop for two. They fight outside and hell starts breaking loose between the two teams as the ref tries to keep control. No big brawls yet as they go back inside the ring and Mark Henry gets his time to shine. He's in a red shirt, with a red singlet and black kneepads. He reminds me of this guy:
This being live action is disturbing.
Michaels tags in now and I forgot he was even in this match. There's seven guys on each team, there's no reason for Hardy to get this much shine. He and HBK mis-time the side effect BADLY and Hardy tags in Finlay. Michaels does his corner whip spot and Finlay works his typical brawler style. Nothing has really happened so far. The only actual move I've seen hit is that side effect on HBK, otherwise it's just brawling, which is fine, but most of these guys aren't the brawling type. They do a double down spot until HBK hits a Sweet Chin Music on Finlay but Smith tagged in before hand, he and Kidd hit the Hart Attack on HBK but he kicks out because fuck what you know about tag finishers. Jericho tags in next. Michaels fights back for a bit, but it's largely Jericho controlling this one.  Kane is in next and does nothing before Smith is back in. He hits a Saito suplex before tagging in Kidd who misses a springboard elbow and Triple H gets the hot tag and he takes out the Hart Dynasty until Kane chokeslams him, the distraction lets Kidd tag in Jericho who misses a Lionsault. Kofi tags in now and takes out Jericho pretty quickly. He hits the Trouble in Paradise and now all hell breaks loose with everybody attacking each other now and hitting finishers on everyone else. What we're left with, is Jericho, Kofi and Big Show in the ring. Big Show turned heel and chokeslammed Kofi before knocking out Triple H. Slow cover by Jericho gets the win.

Winners: Team Smackdown @ 15:34
This was a weird match. It wasn't bad, but again, not much really happened in it until the last two minutes. It was just incredibly boring for 13 minutes. **

We get a promo package for the main event and then Cody attacking Kofi backstage for losing the match for Raw.

WWE Championship
60-Minute Anything Goes Iron Man Match
Randy Orton(c) vs John Cena 
Well, I am not looking forward to this match. I've been avoiding watching this for six years successfully, but here we are.  They announce it as the "final confrontation." Oh really, Cole? IS IT REALLY?! At least it's falls count anywhere. Apparently if Cena loses, he has to leave the Raw brand. Which means he'd go to Smackdown and still collect his million dollar payday. Oh, the tragedy!

They start slow with some chain wrestling, which makes sense given they have to go for an hour. Cena gets the first fall really quickly. After four minutes, he locks in the STF and Orton immediately taps out. Cena is winning one fall to none via submission. We get a 30 second break and they're back to it. Orton stomps away and we get our first rest hold a little over seven minutes into this. This rest hold was two minutes long. Two full minutes of rest hold. Cena gets out of it of course and hits his leg drop from the top rope. Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Orton hits an RKO from outta nowhere for the three. Orton wins fall 2 via pinfall, we're tied 1-1. We get thirty seconds between falls which is meh, but it makes sense to give the guys a little bit to rest. We finally go to the outside when Orton knocks Cena off the apron. They do some basic brawling outside until Orton strips down the announce table. Cena got hit with the monitor and I like that spot, the monitors aren't really used anymore as weapons since shots to the head have been revoked. John Cena is busted open and he waves off the trainer. I like it, but they stopped the clock so this is going over 60 minutes. Orton is using the stipulation really well as this is basically a perfect match stipulation for a heel. He stomps Cena's head on the stomps but he kicks out because Cenawinslolz

Cena hits his five moves of doom and goes for the AA but Orton catches him with an RKO on the way down and we get a double pin. We're tied 2-2 now. After the thirty second break, Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment off the top rope for a pin. Cena takes a 3-2 lead via pinfall. Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes come out during the 30 second between falls to attack Cena. Dibiase hits the Dream Street and they drag Orton over Cena for another fall. We're tied 3-3 as Orton wins via pinfall. Kofi Kingston comes out with a chair and chases Legacy away. That was kind of funny. 38 minutes left in this match and we're tied. They brawl outside a bit and go towards the ramp area where all the electrical and pyro equipment is. Orton throws Cena through the lighting grid on the set for a cool spot. He drags Cena out and pins him. Orton takes a 4-3 lead. Orton then accidentally sets off random pyros and that's pretty damn funny. Cena's on the stage and Orton has a chair and he only hits him once instead of a million times. Orton tries to lay Cena on top of the pyro and set the pyro off, but the button isn't working now. It finally does, but not until Cena rolls out of the way just in time.

They keep brawling down the ramp and Orton continues to have control for about ten full minutes. His pinfalls are not working, because Cena is God. John Cena pulled out a Small Package at the 27 minute left mark to tie it up. Cena ties it at 4-4 via pinfall. Orton hits his hangman DDT onto the floor and gets the pin no more than two minutes later. Orton takes a 5-4 lead via pinfall. Yawn. The biggest problem with this match, is that while things are happening, and it's not bad technically speaking, it's that these guys don't have the chemistry you need to make this work. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar had a fantastic iron man match, probably my favorite one of all time, because their chemistry was incredible. Orton and Cena have never worked well together, so watching them fight for 60 minutes just is not interesting. The crowd is rightfully dead for this. Cena fights back and drops Orton with a punch and then Orton runs away. We got 20 minutes left in this one. Orton continues to run away from Cena. This is how the rest of this is going to go. Okay then.  Cena goes for another AA but Orton escapes and runs away again. Cena chases him down in the crowd and they do some more basic brawling out there. We got 15 minutes left. Cena throws Orton into the steps, the barricade etc and picks up the next fall by hitting an AA from the steel steps through the announce table. Cena ties it up 5-5 via pinfall. We have 9 minutes left and we're tied. Cena brings out a table with about seven minutes left. Cena lays Orton on a table and goes for a leg drop but Orton moves and Cena goes through a table with five minutes let. We've had five straight minutes of absolutely nothing happening. They're exchanging strikes on their knees with three and a half minutes left. Orton hits an RKO but the ref took a bump so Cena kicks out with two minutes left. Orton misses a punt and Cena locks in the STF for another fall as time expires. Cena takes a 6-5 lead to win.

Winner and new WWE Champion: John Cena @ 60:00
This is terrible. I mean, shit happens...sometimes, but most of the match doesn't lead to anything, it's all over the place. They managed to do some really awesome spots and then go immediately back into an extremely boring match. I'm not sure how a match can be both exciting and boring at the same time. This isn't my least favorite Iron Man Match I've seen, but it's so far from the best. **

Overall: 4/10 Bad: This show only had five matches, so it's really easy to have a bad card. Only one match was over two stars, but nothing is worth going back to watch. The main event was an absolute chore to watch, and actually took me three sessions to sit through.

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