WWE Bragging Rights 2009

Well, I'm in a good mood today, so let's ruin it with a John Cena vs Randy Orton Iron Man Match, shall we?

WWE Bragging Rights 
October 25th, 2009
Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 

Well, the good news is that this show has five matches. The bad news is that one of them is a full hour of Randy Orton vs John Cena. Let's go. This is one of those Smackdown vs Raw pay per views that really didn't work out too well, hopefully this one isn't so bad.


Interbrand Singles Match
John Morrison (representing Smackdown) vs The Miz (representing Raw)
Apparently Miz is United States Champion here, while Morrison is Intercontinental Champion. These two always had good chemistry together, so this could be a good opener.

We start with a tie up and some chain wrestling that is pretty fast paced. It's more or less just Morrison wrestling circles around Miz. They exchange some quick falls and headlocks before things slow down a little. I love how the ropes near the hard cam go from red to blue so fluidly, it actually looks really cool. Miz rolled outside to catch his breath and slowly walked back in and gets a headlock takedown on Morrison. Morrison hits a standing shooting star press for two before Miz bullies him into the corner and then tosses him to the outside. Miz tries to suplex Morrison into the ring, but Morrison slides in through the bottom rope into a roll up for a two. Miz goes for a backslide, but Morrison counters. They exchange finisher attempts before Miz is clotheslined over the top rope. Morrison follows Miz outside just to roll him back in for a near fall. Miz whips Morrison into the corner and Morrison tries to go up and over Miz, but he's caught and tossed outside as Miz tries to get a count out. Inside, Miz hits a backdrop for another two count. Rest hold time before Morrison takes control again, but Miz hits his corner clothesline and drapes Morrison on the apron before hitting a huge knee and going into another rest hold. Randy Orton is probably backstage taking notes for the main event. Morrison goes for a roll up but gets a two and then tries another with the same result. They exchange kicks, and Miz throwing kicks is weird. Morrison ducks one and hits a kick to the head in a bad spot. Morrison hits a big calf kick for two. Another exchange of pin attempts that go nowhere before Morr,ison hits the spin kick off the ropes but Miz gets his foot on the rope to break the count. Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, but Miz rolls outside so Morrison hits a plancha instead. Morrison goes for a superplex, but he's tossed off and Miz hits a double axe handle. Morrison goes for Starship Pain again but Miz crotches him and pins him for the win. Well, that happened.

Winner: The Miz @ 10:54
This wasn't bad and it started off strong, but it fell apart as the match went on. After the half way point they both got really sloppy and awkward. This went a bit too long for these guys at this point.  The awful finish didn't help matters. *1/2

This is a three hour show with five matches and one of them is an hour, so we have two hours to fill with four matches, so I'm expecting a lot of backstage stuff tonight. We get recaps of how Smackdown got their members for the tag team match in a big tag match. Okay. There's a good reason I don't remember this show.

We get a promo with Cody Rhodes and he says Raw will get a clean sweep. He's approached by R-Truth. Cody rips into him and basically makes Smackdown look weak as hell, basically spoiling the brand vs brand match.

Six-Diva Interbrand Tag Team Match
Smackdown Divas (Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix & Natalya) vs RAW Divas (Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Melina)
One reason I'm glad there's no brand split anymore, look at the difference in talent here. Smackdown has three pretty damn talented divas, while Raw has...Gail Kim.

Beth and Kim start off here and it's weird that in just six years. Kim reverses a scoop slam into a victory roll pretty early but only gets a two. McCool tags herself in and goes to work on Kim. Kim hits a beautiful Hurricanrana as Natalya tags in and exchanges roll ups and strikes with Kim. They fight around the apron for a bit before Kelly tags in. Kelly was awful. Nothing she did was crisp here, and that includes hitting the ropes. She tries a wheelbarrow, but Nattie just stun guns her instead for a near fall. McCool and Phoenix choke her while Nattie distracts the refs and McCool tags in shortly after and stomps away. Phoenix tags in right after and applies a nice looking armlock on Kelly. McCool tags in and hits a snapmare and goes right into a chin lock. Some knee strikes from McCool before Beth tags herself in. Kelly hits a jawbreaker and gets a hot tag to Melina who takes out Beth with a dropkick before a drop toe hold into the ropes. McCool distracts Melina and Beth goes for a slingshot suplex but Melina rolls her up for two. Headscissors Facebuster by Melina gets a near fall as the other four divas start brawling outside leaving Beth and Melina in the ring. Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win.

Winners: Smackdown Divas @ 6:54
This wasn't awful, but there wasn't anything in this to keep it interesting. It was basically a six diva squash match. * 

Backstage segment with DX hyping up the Raw locker room. They bring up Henry almost having a baby with Mae Young with which he says "man, that was a long time ago." That was chuckle worthy. Also bringing up how they exposed Kofi as a fake Jamaican. I remember that promo, good times.


World Heavyweight Championship
Fatal Four-Way
The Undertaker(c) vs CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio vs Batista
It's crazy how this is the third match on the card, but considering there's only five, it makes sense. I like 3/4 guys, so this could be fun. I could do without Batista though. Taker's entrance was long enough for me to make some nachos and go to the bathroom before it was over. I'm impressed.

Everyone starts brawling to begin and eventually Batista and Taker are left alone in the ring. Taker hits his flying clothesline as Mysterio comes in with kicks and sends Taker over the ropes with a dropkick. He goes for a plancha but Taker slides in the ring and hits a big boot. Taker goes for Old School on Batista and hits it. He turns his attention to Mysterio and goes for the same spot, but is crotched on the turnbuckle by Punk who tosses Mysterio outside and heads up top to Taker, he hits a superplex and Mysterio hits a splash. Batista and Punk brawl a bit and Batista hits a powerslam before Taker gets up and hits a big boot to his face. Mysterio goes for a hurricanrana from the top but Taker catches him and goes for a Last Ride but takes a spear from Batista for a nice spot. Mysterio and Batista waste time trying to see who will cover Taker. Mysterio tries but Taker grabs him by the throat. They team up as Mysterio hits a 619 and Batista hits a spinebuster for two as Punk breaks it up and goes after Rey. Rey's up top but Punk gets him and hits a big GTS for a two count as Batista breaks it up. Batista goes after Taker, but Taker catches him with Hell's Gate until Punk breaks it up. Punk hits the running knee in the corner, but then Taker catches him with a Last Ride and covers for a two as Batista breaks up the pin. They trade blows until Taker hits a chokeslam and covers for two as Punk breaks it up this time. Now he trades blows with Taker and gets tossed outside the ring. Undertaker goes for a tombstone, but Batista reverses and hits a Batista Bomb, but Mysterio breaks up the pin and tries to pin Taker himself. They argue and Batista throws him outside the ring. Taker hits a chokeslam on Batista for a near fall. Taker tries another chokeslam, but Batista fights out and they do a double clothesline spot as Punk tries to steal a pin but both Taker and Batista kick out. Punk is sent to the floor again by Batista, as is Mysterio. Batista turns around into a Tombstone and Undertaker retains.

Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker @ 9:55
This was a fun match. They never made it seem like Mysterio and Punk had a chance of winning, but that's a match layout problem instead of who was in it. It was a bit short for four guys of this caliber, but it was fine for what it was. ***

After the match, Rey is interviewed about the match and repeats the same sentiment over and over. Batista attacks Rey and this went on so much longer than it needed to. I did laugh at Batista casually saying "I'm gonna rip your head off" before hitting a big lariat.

Fourteen-Man Interbrand Tag Team Match
Team Smackdown (Chris Jericho, Kane, R-Truth, Matt Hardy, Finlay, Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith) vs Team Raw (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Big Show, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston & Mark Henry)

This is one fall to the finish and has fourteen guys in it, so I'm expecting this match to be fucking impossible to follow at some point, so I'm not doing a full on play by play for this match (or the main event). Instead, I'll be doing my thoughts on what's happening. This match basically shows us why we don't have a brand split anymore. There are two main event talents on Team Smackdown. Two. The rest are barely mid card guys.

Truth and Cody start and work some pretty decent fast paced spots, but then Big Show and Kane tag in so there goes that. They work for a minute of slow and boring moves until Swagger tags in and gets whooped by Kane, who tags in Matt Hardy. He gets a near fall off a clothesline and pulls off Swagger's shirt and hits his second rope leg drop for two. They fight outside and hell starts breaking loose between the two teams as the ref tries to keep control. No big brawls yet as they go back inside the ring and Mark Henry gets his time to shine. He's in a red shirt, with a red singlet and black kneepads. He reminds me of this guy:

This being live action is disturbing.

Michaels tags in now and I forgot he was even in this match. There's seven guys on each team, there's no reason for Hardy to get this much shine. He and HBK mis-time the side effect BADLY and Hardy tags in Finlay. Michaels does his corner whip spot and Finlay works his typical brawler style. Nothing has really happened so far. The only actual move I've seen hit is that side effect on HBK, otherwise it's just brawling, which is fine, but most of these guys aren't the brawling type. They do a double down spot until HBK hits a Sweet Chin Music on Finlay but Smith tagged in before hand, he and Kidd hit the Hart Attack on HBK but he kicks out because fuck what you know about tag finishers. Jericho tags in next. Michaels fights back for a bit, but it's largely Jericho controlling this one.  Kane is in next and does nothing before Smith is back in. He hits a Saito suplex before tagging in Kidd who misses a springboard elbow and Triple H gets the hot tag and he takes out the Hart Dynasty until Kane chokeslams him, the distraction lets Kidd tag in Jericho who misses a Lionsault. Kofi tags in now and takes out Jericho pretty quickly. He hits the Trouble in Paradise and now all hell breaks loose with everybody attacking each other now and hitting finishers on everyone else. What we're left with, is Jericho, Kofi and Big Show in the ring. Big Show turned heel and chokeslammed Kofi before knocking out Triple H. Slow cover by Jericho gets the win.

Winners: Team Smackdown @ 15:34
This was a weird match. It wasn't bad, but again, not much really happened in it until the last two minutes. It was just incredibly boring for 13 minutes. **

We get a promo package for the main event and then Cody attacking Kofi backstage for losing the match for Raw.

WWE Championship
60-Minute Anything Goes Iron Man Match
Randy Orton(c) vs John Cena 
Well, I am not looking forward to this match. I've been avoiding watching this for six years successfully, but here we are.  They announce it as the "final confrontation." Oh really, Cole? IS IT REALLY?! At least it's falls count anywhere. Apparently if Cena loses, he has to leave the Raw brand. Which means he'd go to Smackdown and still collect his million dollar payday. Oh, the tragedy!

They start slow with some chain wrestling, which makes sense given they have to go for an hour. Cena gets the first fall really quickly. After four minutes, he locks in the STF and Orton immediately taps out. Cena is winning one fall to none via submission. We get a 30 second break and they're back to it. Orton stomps away and we get our first rest hold a little over seven minutes into this. This rest hold was two minutes long. Two full minutes of rest hold. Cena gets out of it of course and hits his leg drop from the top rope. Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Orton hits an RKO from outta nowhere for the three. Orton wins fall 2 via pinfall, we're tied 1-1. We get thirty seconds between falls which is meh, but it makes sense to give the guys a little bit to rest. We finally go to the outside when Orton knocks Cena off the apron. They do some basic brawling outside until Orton strips down the announce table. Cena got hit with the monitor and I like that spot, the monitors aren't really used anymore as weapons since shots to the head have been revoked. John Cena is busted open and he waves off the trainer. I like it, but they stopped the clock so this is going over 60 minutes. Orton is using the stipulation really well as this is basically a perfect match stipulation for a heel. He stomps Cena's head on the stomps but he kicks out because Cenawinslolz

Cena hits his five moves of doom and goes for the AA but Orton catches him with an RKO on the way down and we get a double pin. We're tied 2-2 now. After the thirty second break, Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment off the top rope for a pin. Cena takes a 3-2 lead via pinfall. Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes come out during the 30 second between falls to attack Cena. Dibiase hits the Dream Street and they drag Orton over Cena for another fall. We're tied 3-3 as Orton wins via pinfall. Kofi Kingston comes out with a chair and chases Legacy away. That was kind of funny. 38 minutes left in this match and we're tied. They brawl outside a bit and go towards the ramp area where all the electrical and pyro equipment is. Orton throws Cena through the lighting grid on the set for a cool spot. He drags Cena out and pins him. Orton takes a 4-3 lead. Orton then accidentally sets off random pyros and that's pretty damn funny. Cena's on the stage and Orton has a chair and he only hits him once instead of a million times. Orton tries to lay Cena on top of the pyro and set the pyro off, but the button isn't working now. It finally does, but not until Cena rolls out of the way just in time.

They keep brawling down the ramp and Orton continues to have control for about ten full minutes. His pinfalls are not working, because Cena is God. John Cena pulled out a Small Package at the 27 minute left mark to tie it up. Cena ties it at 4-4 via pinfall. Orton hits his hangman DDT onto the floor and gets the pin no more than two minutes later. Orton takes a 5-4 lead via pinfall. Yawn. The biggest problem with this match, is that while things are happening, and it's not bad technically speaking, it's that these guys don't have the chemistry you need to make this work. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar had a fantastic iron man match, probably my favorite one of all time, because their chemistry was incredible. Orton and Cena have never worked well together, so watching them fight for 60 minutes just is not interesting. The crowd is rightfully dead for this. Cena fights back and drops Orton with a punch and then Orton runs away. We got 20 minutes left in this one. Orton continues to run away from Cena. This is how the rest of this is going to go. Okay then.  Cena goes for another AA but Orton escapes and runs away again. Cena chases him down in the crowd and they do some more basic brawling out there. We got 15 minutes left. Cena throws Orton into the steps, the barricade etc and picks up the next fall by hitting an AA from the steel steps through the announce table. Cena ties it up 5-5 via pinfall. We have 9 minutes left and we're tied. Cena brings out a table with about seven minutes left. Cena lays Orton on a table and goes for a leg drop but Orton moves and Cena goes through a table with five minutes let. We've had five straight minutes of absolutely nothing happening. They're exchanging strikes on their knees with three and a half minutes left. Orton hits an RKO but the ref took a bump so Cena kicks out with two minutes left. Orton misses a punt and Cena locks in the STF for another fall as time expires. Cena takes a 6-5 lead to win.

Winner and new WWE Champion: John Cena @ 60:00
This is terrible. I mean, shit happens...sometimes, but most of the match doesn't lead to anything, it's all over the place. They managed to do some really awesome spots and then go immediately back into an extremely boring match. I'm not sure how a match can be both exciting and boring at the same time. This isn't my least favorite Iron Man Match I've seen, but it's so far from the best. **

Overall: 4/10 Bad: This show only had five matches, so it's really easy to have a bad card. Only one match was over two stars, but nothing is worth going back to watch. The main event was an absolute chore to watch, and actually took me three sessions to sit through.

WCW Uncensored 2000

Well, it's been a while since I reviewed anything, so why not make me regret reviewing another show? This time, my randomizer gave me...

WCW Uncensored

March 19th, 2000

American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida

Well, the poster shows us Steiner, Bret Hart, Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett. Just a heads up, Jarrett is the only one tonight with a match. I'm watching this on my TV instead of my laptop tonight courtesy of the WWE Network (which you can get for 10x less than you paid for that shitty super boxing "fight"), so no gif images unless I can find some online, which I'm sure there will be a few I can find. Also, we get eleven matches tonight, so we get to see ALL that WCW has to offer...sigh.

We open with backstage segments with Sid talking to Hogan and Jarrett talking to what I guess are his body guards. Both guys say they're gonna win. It's WCW, so that's not actually impossible. 

WCW Cruiserweight Championship

The Artist(c) w/ Paisley  vs Psychosis w/ Juventud Guerrera

I really dislike this Artist gimmick. I didn't like it then, I don't like it now. I also don't like how WCW unmasked everybody. Luchadors are not luchadors without their masks, at least not in 2000. It's just not the same feel. Maskless Psychosis reminds me of Gerardo, you know, the guy who sang "Rico Suave. 

 Seriously, that first photo is from 1991. Add a few extra years and it's uncanny!

Before the bell rings, some random music starts playing and Chris Candido comes down to the ring, because why not?  We start with chops from Psychosis to Artist. I'm just going to call Artist his old name, Prince, because fuck WCW. Psychosis sends Prince over the top rope as Candido gets on commentary. Plancha by Psychosis takes out Prince who immediately gets up and into the ring. Prince gets Psychosis in a tree of woe and hits a running knee to the gut. Prince hits a crappy superkick for a near fall and tosses Psychosis outside. Paisley slaps Psychosis right in front of the referee, but no DQ is called. Inside, more corner strikes by Prince. A few near falls take place, but nothing really interesting happens. Psychosis hits a big hurricanrana off the top rope for a near fall. Prince wins with a Diving DDT after distraction from Paisley, who beat up Juventud. Yep.

Winner and still WCW Cruiserweight Champion: The Artist via pinfall @ 7:22

This was a bad opener. WCW 2000 usually had one thing going for their shows, that being the openers were solid. This one wasn't bad, but there was just nothing to it. It was boring, Prince is boring and Psychosis deserved better.  1/2*

We get a promo with Bam Bam Bigelow cutting a promo on The Wall. He fucks up a few times. He says he taught Wall everything he knows about wrestling. So...nothing? 

Tag Team Match

Norman Smiley & The Demon vs Lenny Lane & Rave

This might be the weirdest tag team combination I've ever heard of. Smiley and the Kiss Demon. I just don't have words. Miss Hancock is on commentary. I'll take four minutes of staring at her instead of this match. I will say though, Kiss Demon's entrance was cool for the time. And now Norman Smiley is dressed up like the Demon. 

I wish I were joking.

Demon starts against Rave, but they quickly go outside and it's Smiley and Lenny Lane in the ring. Big Wiggle by Smiley followed by a scoop slam. Rave takes control over the Demon while he and Lane hit a double team in the corner, but they horribly botch a double clothesline. A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE WAS BOTCHED. Smiley takes over until Lane hits a full nelson facebuster on Smiley and The Demon comes in now to take a clothesline over the ropes. Smiley locks in a crossface chickenwing for the win.

Winners: Norman Smiley & The Demon via submission @ 3:41

There is nothing redeeming about this match at all. It's just awful. Three minutes felt like thirty. DUD

After the match, Miss Hancock does the Big Wiggle to Smiley. Yep. 

Backstage, Kidman is hyping up Booker backstage. Also, David Flair is saying shit to Daffney, but the audio sucks and I can't hear anything. It's David Flair, so it probably wasn't worth hearing anyway. 

The Wall vs Bam Bam Bigelow

Before the match, we get a recap of The Wall attacking David Flair and Crowbar. Meh. 

The Wall is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen, and I don't think even Bam Bam can work a good power vs power match with him. We start with Bam Bam going right to work and they start exchanging strikes. Wall takes control with a clothesline and hits a few more because that seems like all he can do. Bam Bam goes up top and hits a headbutt for two. Wall hits (misses badly) a big boot to take control and hits a knee for two. They go outside where Wall chokeslams Bam Bam through a table to get disqualified. 

Winner via Disqualification: Bam Bam Bigelow @ 3:26

I can't give this a dud, because it was better than the last match, but there's nothing to watch here. Props to Bam Bam for putting over such an awful wrestler. 1/4*

After the match, David Flair and Crowbar attack Wall, but get taken out. Scratch that, Crowbar gets chokeslammed off the titantron structure. That segment was better than the entire match. 

We go from that into an interview with Brian Knobs.  He dedicates his hardcore title match to Crowbar and Bam Bam. It's a three on one handicap match. Brian Knobs. It's 2000. Brian fucking Knobs.

WCW Hardcore Championship

Three on One Elimination Handicap Match

Brian Knobs vs 3 Count (Shannon Moore, Shane Helms & Evan Karagias)(c)

WHY THE HELL IS BRIAN KNOBS STILL ACTIVE IN 2000?!? 

3 Count are collectively the hardcore champions. That wouldn't be too bad if they weren't against Brian fucking Knobs here.  Knobs brings out a dumpster full of crap and 3 Count starts dominating early as they should. This is elimination style, so there is absolutely zero reason for Knobs to win this. Knobs of course gains control by beating everybody with a trash can. Helms hits him with a chair and they propped up a ladder and Helms, Karagias hit splashes off the ladder, but Moore missed a senton from it. They start dancing as Knobs gets em all with a fire extinguisher and goes to town on Shane Helms. Helms is eliminated at 3:00 after a chair shot. Yep. I think we know where this is going now. Knobs takes out a table and powerbombs Karagias through it from inside the ring, that was actually pretty cool. Karagias is eliminated at 4:15. We're down to Moore and Knobs. Knobs takes out another table. Moore gets a pin, but Knobbs' foot was on the rope. IT'S A HARDCORE MATCH, FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE. Only WCW. Knobs win after a trash can shot.

Winner and new WCW Hardcore Champion: Brian Knobs via pinfall @ 6:51

This was a seven minute handicap squash match. There is no reason a 2000 Brian Knobs should be destroying three young talents. That said, the powerbomb spot is the only reason this isn't getting a dud. 1/4*

We get a promo with the new Harlem Heat. Ahmed ruins it. Meh. Also get a backstage promo with Vampiro acting crazy and talking in circles. Works well for his character.

Tag Team Match

Harlem Heat 2000 (Big T & Stevie Ray) w/Torrie Wilson vs Billy Kidman and Booker T w/Cash & J Biggs

I can't say I'm a fan of anybody in this match at this point. Kidman was okay, but I was never a fan of Booker or Stevie Ray and Ahmed Johnson is among the worst wrestlers ever. Stevie and Booker start, which is interesting, you'd think you'd build to their interaction instead of starting with it. Book takes advantage as Kidman tags in and hits a dropkick that Stevie sells hilariously bad. Ahmed tags in and he got fat, damn. Kidman hits a dropkick that Ahmed sells even worse than Stevie. Book tags in and goes against Ahmed now. Cash tries to interfere, but Booker hits the Axe kick. Kidman tags in and goes up top but Stevie knocks him off and for some reason he's the legal man now despite no tag being made, which makes even less sense when he immediately tags in Ahmed. WCW match structure at its finest. Ahmed literally does nothing before tagging Stevie back in. They did one move over four tags. Ahmed does a spot where he tries to crossbody Kidman over the barricade, but he doesn't make it and just falls flat on his face and that is hilarious. 

I believe I can fl...ouch.

Kidman takes over against Stevie with a tornado bulldog. Hot tag to Booker, Bookend to Ahmed gets a two. Bookend to Stevie now. Harlem Heat botch a double spinebuster on Booker as Kidman breaks up the pin. Kidman tags in and rolls up Ahmed for the three.

Winners: Billy Kidman & Booker T via pinfall @ 6:59

This match felt a LOT longer than seven minutes and not in a good way. This was all over the place with a ton of botched spots, bad flow and formatting; just nothing worth watching here. *

We get a promo for Finlay vs Vampiro, and Finlay has the EXACT SAME LOOK as Brian Knobs. I legitimately thought it was Knobs working double duty. That's fucking awful. 

Falls Count Anywhere

Fit Finlay vs Vampiro

I have high-ish hopes for this. It's still WCW, but it's two guys that can have entertaining brawls. Finlay has control early as he dominates Vampiro with strikes. Vampiro gets it back and hits a big spinning heel kick off the top rope for a near fall. Vampiro is a weird guy in that he was never very good, but I still I think he deserved more than he got. There was an interesting character to him that could have been bigger. Vampiro keeps control until Finlay starts slamming his head into shit. Finlay hits a steamroller and grabs a very padded chair outside the ring. He lays the chair padding first on Vampiro's face but the ref takes it away, so Finlay grabs it back and Vampiro kicks it back in his face. Outside, they do some basic brawling near the announce table before heading towards the ramp. They fight into the crowd and work their way up the stairs. They actually bump on the stairs once, so props to Finlay for that before they go backstage. The fight starts going towards the women's bathroom, but then they switch and go into the men's room. I laughed at that. They fight into a bathroom stall and Finlay bumped on the gross bathroom floor. Vampiro climbed a stall and went for a dive but Finlay was very clearly holding a trashcan so that was a bad idea. They're fighting in the crowd now as the lighting is now gone and you can't see shit. WCW did not plan out the direction of this fight well. They fight outside and immediately go back inside. Vampiro takes a back body drop on the floor, but recovers to hit the Nail in the Coffin for the three.

Winner: Vampiro via pinfall @ 8:38

This was about six minutes of walking to set up the finish and two minutes of wrestling. There really was just nothing to this. It lived up to the gimmick, but was not nearly the match they hyped it to be. This really just bored me more than anything. *

We get a promo with the Mamalukes about the Harris Brothers. There is not one person in this upcoming match that I like to watch. I'm tempted to make a pizza instead of watch it. 

WCW World Tag Team Championship

The Harris Brothers (Ron & Don) vs The Mamalukes (Johnny Stamboli & Big Vito) w/Disco Inferno

As I said, I made a pizza, I caught the ending where Ron Harris hits Stamboli with an H Bomb for the win.

Winners and new WCW Tag Team Champions: The Harris Brothers via pinfall @ 8:45

Nothing to rate for me. Pizza gets **** however. 

Bullrope Match

Terry Funk vs Dustin Rhodes

I love Funk, but Rhodes was only ever worth watching as Goldust. I have zero interest in this match. This is literally the same thing as the main event, except this one has pinfalls. Strap matches suck enough as is, we don't need two on the same show.

We literally start with Dustin chasing somebody in a chicken suit around the ring before Funk attacks him outside the ring. They're supposed to be tied together, not sure how the match can start before that happens, but here we are. I thought Funk was gonna tie himself with the rope, like the match is stipulated to be, but apparently this is just a hardcore match as he whips Rhodes with it. Funk hits a few moves and a DDT to get a near fall. Funk hits him with the cowbell for a two count. 

Rhodes wraps the rope around Funk's neck and whips him which lays him out. Outside now, Rhodes does the same exact spot. Inside, they are FINALLY tied up, it only took about five minutes. Rhodes is in complete control and hits a back drop for a two count. Rhodes hits a bulldog on the cowbell for a two count. Rhodes is then attacked by the guy in the chicken suit before hitting him with the cowbell. I'm not joking, this is actually happening. Rhodes does not take off the chicken's mask. Wouldn't you want to know who the fuck is attacking you?! WCW logic. Funk takes control off the distraction and grabs a mic. He says he's making the match an I Quit match. The ref says no and so Funk hits him with the cowbell. The next minute is just Funk hitting Rhodes with the bell until Rhodes says I Quit. Rhodes says he quits but there's no bell called. This would be a submission then, referee, Rhodes gave up. But, you know, WCW. Rhodes takes advantage, beats up Funk with the bell and hits a piledriver onto it for the win.

Winner: Dustin Rhodes via pinfall @ 9:01

I love Funk, but this was hard to watch. It was just a bunch of moves onto a cowbell, no rhyme or reason for any of it. This was the second longest match of the night and was just terrible. The chicken interference was the worst thing I've ever seen because it just made no sense at all. 1/4*

We get a promo with Sid, and he's funny as always. 

Lumberjacks with Casts Match

The Total Package (Lex Luger) vs Sting

Luger sucks, and this match probably will too. Every single lumberjack has a cast on. Every single one. Even the guys who don't have a broken arm have casts on. 

We start with Luger taking it to Sting right off the bat, but Sting fights back. I don't think we've seen a tie up tonight, so that's a fun fact. Sting takes advantage back and just stomps away on Luger for a good 15 seconds. Sting hits a few strikes and a scoop slam for a two count. Sting throws Luger to the outside where his lumberjacks are and they beat on Luger before tossing him back in the ring. Luger fake begs Sting to stop, but when Sting gets close Luger throws him to his lumberjacks outside the ring who do the same thing. Tank Freaking Abbott is out to ringside now as he sucker punches Doug Dillinger and leaves. Thanks for coming, Tank. Meanwhile Luger hits a clothesline on Sting as the lumberjacks are all fighting outside the ring by the entrance way. They all fight to the back as the ringside area is clear now. Way to go, WCW, completely abandon a stipulation. Oh, wait, Vampiro is outside the ring. 

Flair and Elizabeth come down to the ring and try to get involved, but Vampiro stops Flair as Sting hits a bulldog on Luger in the ring. Flair gets in the ring and starts chopping Sting right in front of the ref. Pretty sure that's a DQ. Stinger Splash to Flair takes him out of the ring as Luger takes control before Sting hits a Stinger Splash on him. Elizabeth hits Sting with the bat, but Jimmy Hart takes Elizabeth to the back. In the ring, both men are down, but Luger crawls to cover for a two count. Torture Rack attempt is thwarted by Vampiro who hits Luger with the bat. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the win.

Winner: Sting via pinfall @ 7:01

This was even worse than I thought it would be. This was not about Sting and Luger, it was about the lumberjacks and Vampiro. This was all over the place and I had no reason to care about this. DUD

Tank Abbott is interviewed about punching Doug Dillinger. He said he punched him because he can. Okay. Apparently Sid and Jarrett was supposed to be last, but WCW switched it mid show, because Hogan has to main event everything. 

WCW World Heavyweight Championship

Sid Vicious (c) vs Jeff Jarrett

Another match I'm expecting to be awful. Another match without a lock up. Sid starts tearing Jarrett apart until he goes for a chokeslam and Jarrett rakes the eyes before being sent outside by Sid. Sid slams Jarrett onto the table and then hits a double axe handle off of it before tossing Jarrett into the crowd. They keep fighting through the crowd. The Harris Brothers start attacking Sid and again there is no disqualification called. Jarrett joins them inside and decides to taunt instead of keeping the pressure on, because that's smart booking for a match. Jarrett gets a sleeper on Sid, but Sid escapes. Jarrett goes for a double axe handle but gets low blowed and Sid hits a big boot. Harris Brother 1 interferes and Jarrett takes an accidental shot from the title belt from the other Harris for two. Chokeslam by Sid is reversed via low blow by Jarrett. Jarrett caught the ref with an accidental backhand and then slams his head into the turnbuckle. Guitar shot to Sid Vicious and Jarrett calls another ref to the ring, but hey, here's Hulk Hogan following him to pull him out  and punch him in the face. Hogan takes out Jarrett and hits a leg drop, Sid covers and wins.

Winner and still WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Sid Vicious via pinfall@ 7:36

Yep. Awful. Jarrett at no point looked strong in this match and this was basically a giant squash until the finish, which was just horrendous. DUD

Scott Steiner attacks Hogan after the match and Sid takes everybody out with chokeslams. Ric Flair comes out immediately with the strap and we're underway for our main event. Jimmy Hart is out to ringside

Yappapi Indian Strap Match

Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair

We started with Flair attacking Hogan after he was beaten by Steiner, but Hogan took back control as they brawl on the outside. Standards shots against and into the barricade stuff here. Inside, Hogan chokes Flair and starts whipping him with the strap over and over. Flair's got the advantage now and starts choking Hogan with it. They trade whips with the strap and chops until Hogan hits a clothesline and chokes Flair with it again. About four minutes have passed since that sentence and nothing interesting has happened. Flair tries to leave, but Hogan chases him down to the entrance ramp and Lex Luger comes out and hits Hogan with a chair and leaves. Thanks, Lex. Flair uses that to take advantage and drag Hogan back to the ring. Flair takes the strap off and tries to touch the corners until he realizes he can't do that. This match is way too long for so little to be happening. Flair has something on his hands, like brass knucks but with crazy padding on them. Hogan Hulks up and hits Flair with a leg drop and pins Flair to win...Wait what?

Winner: Hulk Hogan via pinfall @ 14:28

This was so boring. There was just nothing interesting to this and the match ended in a pinfall for some unknown reason. One of the worst main events I've ever seen, but sadly, not even the worst of this year for WCW. DUD

Overall: DUD. This show really is horrendous. Only one match hit the one star mark and nothing else even came close. This is my worst rated show so far, but sadly, it wasn't the biggest chore overall to watch (that goes to ISW or Bash at the Beach 2000). Do not watch this show. Ever. For any reason.